Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Rock Bottom - a novel by Erin Brockovich - “No stranger to balancing an intensely demanding work schedule with the stresses of keeping her family together, AJ Palladino now faces another challenge: she is leaving her young son home with her ailing parents so that she can travel to the site of a new case involving a nuclear power plant in peril. And it will take all her skills to keep her cool while the action and tension build to a fever pitch. Colleton River, a new, one-of-a-kind nuclear facility designed to create medical isotopes with the potential to save millions of lives, has recently been plagued by a series of unexplained mishaps. The accidents have caused the locals to protest the plant, drawing the attention of an anti-nuclear protest group as well as several home-grown terrorists who sense an opportunity to sow fear and chaos. The plant’s owner, Owen Grandel, has traveled from South Carolina to West Virginia to personally ask AJ for help. AJ knows she’s going to have her hands full investigating the accidents and calming the situation at the plant.”
Ok....I got this description from Barnes and Noble website.....wasn’t sure if this was the same book that I read. When I read the book, I thought it was more about a single mom that had a disable son and her struggles on how she had to move back home to find out that her parents didn’t want her and neither did the home town, but being a strong woman that she was she was bound and determined to keep her spirits up even when facing the fact that the attorney that was to hire her turned out to be dead only to find out that he did not die of natural causes, but was murdered because of the information he found out about through an environmental case he was working on. Loved the book.....Highly recommend reading.
Plea of Insanity - Jilliane Hoffman - “The prosecutor—Julia Vacanti. Young, ambitious, and facing a case that could launch her career. The defendant—David Marquette. A successful Miami surgeon and devoted family man. The victims— Marquette’s own wife and three small children. The plea—Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity. The perfect father and model husband, David Marquette seemingly just snapped one night. Or did he? His experienced defense team claims paranoid delusions caused by schizophrenia drove him to slaughter his entire family.
But the state suspects Marquette’s insanity defense is being fabricated to disguise murders that were cold-blooded and calculated. If convicted, Marquette faces the death penalty. If found insane, he could walk free. To bring a killer to justice, Julia will have to journey into the mind of madness herself, embarking on a terrifying journey back into her own past—something she has struggled with for fifteen years. And this will lead her to confront a future so chilling, she’s not sure she will ever be able to face it.” Again from Barnes and Noble website.
This book was good, but also so close to home that I felt funny reading it. The heroine in the book was amazing and you really felt for her and the stuff that she was going through. As many of you know, my first husband was diagnosed as schizophrenia and so this was really a hard book to read because of knowing about the personal aspects of what the lady was going through, but it was so gripping that I just had to finish it. You will enjoy this I am sure.
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë - “Heathcliff and Cathy believe they’re destined to love each other forever, but when cruelty and snobbery separate them, their untamed emotions literally consume them.
Set amid the wild and stormy Yorkshire moors, Wuthering Heights, an unpolished and devastating epic of childhood playmates who grow into soul mates, is widely regarded as the most original tale of thwarted desire and heartbreak in the English language.” Barnes and Noble
All I can say about this book is DISTURBING!!!! I did not like it at all and was at times quite repulsed by it, but it is known as a classic so I thought that I would try my hand at reading something by the “100 books you should read” list.....whoever thought that was a book I should read is just as disturbing as the book itself. I will not judge all Emily’s books like this one and will try reading other things that she had written, but I do know that I will not read this one again.
The Shape of Mercy by Susan Meissner - Leaving a life of privilege to strike out on her own, Lauren Durough breaks with convention and her family’s expectations by choosing a state college over Stanford and earning her own income over accepting her ample monthly allowance. She takes a part-time job from 83-year-old librarian Abigail Boyles, who asks Lauren to transcribe the journal entries of her ancestor Mercy Hayworth, a victim of the Salem witch trials.
Almost immediately, Lauren finds herself drawn to this girl who lived and died four centuries ago. As the fervor around the witch accusations increases, Mercy becomes trapped in the worldview of the day, unable to fight the overwhelming influence of snap judgments and superstition, and Lauren realizes that the secrets of Mercy’s story extend beyond the pages of her diary, living on in the mysterious, embittered Abigail.
The strength of her affinity with Mercy forces Lauren to take a startling new look at her own life, including her relationships with Abigail, her college roommate, and a young man named Raul. But on the way to the truth, will Lauren find herself playing the helpless defendant or the misguided judge? Can she break free from her own perceptions and see who she really is?
I actually loved this book and have felt my mind constantly drifting back to this story over the last month. I am not sure why, but you just feel so invested in the book and it seems to stay with you. Well, at least that is how I feel about it all. I also loved the author and how she was able to get you not only thinking about the characters, but also how you yourself views the world and the people in it. Loved this book.
Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis - A forceful and accessible discussion of Christian belief that has become one of the most popular introductions to Christianity and one of the most popular of Lewis's books. Uncovers common ground upon which all Christians can stand together.
I got this book hoping that I would be able to attend my first ever book club, but alas, I was not able to attend, but I did find it a very interesting read and how the author really made you challenge your own beliefs and how to see yourself in relationship to the world around you. Did enjoy it.
The Abduction (Theodore Boone Series #2) by John Grisham - Theodore Boone is back in a new adventure, and the stakes are higher than ever.
When his best friend, April, disappears from her bedroom in the middle of the night, no one, not even Theo Boone-who knows April better than anyone-has answers.
As fear ripples through his small hometown and the police hit dead ends, it's up to Theo to use his legal knowledge and investigative skills to chase down the truth and save April.
Filled with the page-turning suspense that made John Grisham a #1 international bestseller and the undisputed master of the legal thriller, Theodore Boone's trials and triumphs will keep readers guessing until the very end.
What can I say......I LOVE JOHN GRISHAM!!!!!! I love every book (except one, do you know which one?? Give you gold star if you can guess which one). I can not get enough of his writing and have been well pleased that he has branched out into the young adults genre. I was hoping to get Harley involved in this series, but I think that he might still be a little too young for it or just not interested in reading. Need just a good fun light read this is the book and series that you should read!!!!!
Deadly Night (Flynn Brothers Series #1) by Heather Graham - Aidan Flynn, a private investigator and eldest of the Flynn brothers, scoffs at the haunted-house rumors — especially since Kendall Montgomery, a tarot card reader who has been living in the mansion, is the one to tell him the tale of a woman in white. But when he finds a human bone on the grounds and another by the river, Aidan delves into the dark history of the Flynn plantation.
Forced together to uncover the truth, Aidan and Kendall realize that a serial killer whose victims seem to vanish into thin air has long been at work...and that their own fates are about to be sealed forever unless they believe in the unbelievable.
I think I have finally found me a new author that I am going to be obsessing over. I love Heather and the adventures of the Flynn Brothers. So far they are awesome and I love the places which they are based out of. They are a little disturbing, but you know what.....so am I! Defiantly should try them for yourself.
Deadly Harvest (Flynn Brothers Series #2) by Heather Graham - When a young woman is found dead in a field, dressed up as a scarecrow with a slashed grin and a broken neck, the residents of Salem, Massachusetts, begin to fear that the infamous Harvest Man is more than just a rumor. But out-of-town cop Jeremy Flynn doesn't have time for ghost stories. He's in town on another investigation, looking for a friend's wife, who mysteriously vanished in a cemetery.
Complicating his efforts is local occult expert Rowenna Cavanaugh, who launches her own investigation, convinced that a horror from the past has crept into the present and is seducing women to their deaths. Jeremy uses logic and solid police work. Rowenna depends on intuition. But they both have the same goal: to stop the abductions and locate the missing women before Rowenna herself falls prey to the Harvest Man's dark seduction.
Ok, I think that is about all for now. I am starting James Patterson, Guilty Wives (or something like that) tonight, so hopefully I will have more updates on my blog soon about them. Love you all.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
After listening to my leaders tell us not only how to make good goals, but also how to follow through with them.....I decided that this was going to be the year that I was going to not only make new goals, but hell or high water I was going to follow through with every one. So here they are I have five different goals that I wrote down and also how I was going to follow through with all of them.
Goal #1 - Mary Kay/Red Jacket by February 15, 2012
- Call Christy
- Make a Plan
- Follow through
- Only need two more active team members....you can do it.
I am reminded of Flint from Cloudy with a Chance of MEatballs.....when he is getting ready to call Sam.....getting ready....dialing....hanging up.....coffee brake....refocusing...dialing....waiting...hanging up....repeat and then speak really fast and then not calling anyone else. I really don't know what my problem is. I know that my friends all love me and that I throw great parties (I have had proof of this from the ones that I have done thus far) but for some reason I get so nervous over calling my friends. I guess I will have to work on this one more!
Goal #2 - Lose 20lbs by March 2, 2012
- Lose 2 lbs per week
- Got to Gym M - F
- Stay with Janessa once per week
- Write down everything even eating candy
Ok.....so this goal....I am totally rocking the house on!!! I have been going to the gym since January 2, 2012. I have been taking only one to two days off per week and have been totally watching what I eat. The things that I am lacking on....writing down everything. I have changed my mind set about it and am going to be writing down everything. I have been discouraged that I have not lost any weight so far, but some day it just has to come off. Eating under the recommended calories and going to the gym has to have some kind of benefits. Believe and Action....totally do that here.
Goal #3 - Full Inventory in Mary Kay by July
- Increase booking
- Take profit and buy more inventory
- Figure out what is most needed
Ok.....I have been having friends buy product from me, so I am doing good on this point. I just need to increase my parties and my customer base and the only way that I am going to be able to do that is to have more booking and do more parties....see problems in Goal #1.
Goal #4 - Read four Religious books by April
- Choose books
- Less T.V. more reading
- Take to gym
Let's see. This one really should be easy for me. I have now started four different religious books....Beth Moore - Breaking Free, Women of the Bible, the actual bible, and a money management through God's word. Good start....now just need to finish reading them. I love having positiveness in my life and reading these types of books are how I am going to stay that way.
Ok....now we are on my last Goal for 2012
Goal #5 - Save $5,000 by September
- Save $560 per month
- That is only $280 per paycheck
Ok....this has probably been the hardest one for me to even start on this year. We have been struggling with getting Dave's unemployment going and have been living off my income which really we could do just fine, but having to watch everything we spend and figuring out where the money has been going has been a little bit of a struggle for us. This has really been the first winter since Dave and I have been together that we have felt any strain in our finances. I know that it will not last and it is just Satan's way of saying....yea, I am going to mess you up for a little while, but I do have faith that come February and March we will totally be on our way to having a nice down payment for a house, dream vacation, savings and so many other things that we want in our lives.
So, now that I have put myself out there with all my goals for the future year. I am hoping that my friends and family will encourage me along the way to keep up with my goals and keep doing better. It will be a struggle, but this year, I am going to be different!!!!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
First of all, I will talk about my new business. That is right. I have a new business being a Mary Kay consultant. Now I know a lot of you might think that I have really gone off the deep one on this one, but hear me out. There are several reasons why I decided to be a new consultant and here they are.
I went to a Mary Kay party that was being hosted my one of my friends, Emily. I decided to go (1) because I was out of product and needed more, and (2) because I love Emily and want to support her in everything that she does. There I meet with Mindee Hofheins. She is a Mary Kay consultant too and she was wonderful. So full of life and I don't think that it was because she was prego, but because you could really see that she had a passion for Mary Kay. Now if anyone knows me knows that I do not do parties. I love going to them and buying the products, but I have never really been interested in the business side of the products.
I have done other businesses in the past and haven't had them succeed very well. I feel that one of the reasons why they have not done real well is the lack of training. This is one thing that I have found with Mary Kay appealing. Another one is that they put faith, family and self worth before the business. I have really enjoyed knowing that about the business.
So now that I have told all of you about joining Mary Kay, don't be too surprised when you receive a call from me asking you to help me in my new business. I have a goal to do 30 facials in 30 days and what a better way to practice my business than with my really good friends. I also feel that I can be comfortable with all of you as I learn and grow from my one on one time with you all. You know what else?? This also could be a great time to catch up with each other. What a more perfect time than to get pampered by me as we catch up with our lives.
So thanks in advance for helping me with my business and for all of your wonderful friendships that I have and for the future for all of us.
Now on to the next thing I want to talk about......my daughter....oh yea!!!! She is so cute and wonderful. What a proud mom I am. For many of you who don't know....11 years ago I made the greatest sacrifice of my life and placed my wonderful daughter up for adoption. I did it not to show that I couldn't take responsibility for my actions, but to make sure that I was giving my daughter a much better life than I could have given her at the time.
Every year I have been getting letters and pictures from her wonderful family. This year was a very hard year for me. As many of you know....Dave and I are not going to be able to have any more children and this has affected not only me, but also Dave. We are heart broken that we won't be able to have a child of our own between the two of us, but we are diffidently grateful to have Harley and Carly in our lives and can't wait until we can have both of them meet each other.
So I am posting pictures of her here and also giving some snips from the letter that Greg and Monica have sent to me. I hope that you all enjoy the update as much as I have.
"In March we surprised the kids and went to Moab for a long weekend. We had a great time visiting the National Parks. Our favorite was Arches National Park. I can't believe that in all these years I had never been there. The kids loved it but the hike to Delicate Arch definitely wore them out. We are hoping to go back again soon. Logan wants to do a Hummer excursion next time.
Last year, Carly and Logan transferred to a different school. It was a hard decision but we feel it was the right one for them academically. Carly is really excited because the school has little lockers for the 6th graders. She is really good student but it doesn't come easy for her. she has some difficulty focusing (ADD) and I have to keep on her so she'll get her work done. Homework can be challenge at times. She does really will in spelling/vocabulary, loves to read, is learning Spanish, and drives the boys crazy. She doesn't know how to behave around boys her age -- especially if she thinks the boy is cute. Yes....she has had few crushes already, but I have to say she has excellent taste. They were awfully cute boys. YIKES! Fortunately, even though she thinks boys are cute, she really isn't interested in them yet. Thank goodness.
Carly also danced again this year. She tried out for an advance dance group and made it, so starting at the end of August, dance class will be more intense than she's used to. I am excited for her though. She's in the dance class with her BFF, Abby, and it is something they really like doing together. Plus, Carly is a great performer. She gets pretty nervous but once she's on stage, she is NOT shy. People always tell me that they like to watch her because she is so dramatic.
Yes......she is the resident drama queen in our home. I'm not sure many could compete with her. She has the eye roll and occasional melt down nearly perfected. But, she is maturing and melt downs are becoming fewer. Let's just say that there is never a dull moment in our house hold. In fact sometimes it feels like a three-ringed circus.
Some other things Carly loves: reading, swimming, sewing, baking, painting her fingernails, necklaces and scarfs, cute clothes, shoes, riding her bike, rootbeer floats, Justin Bieber, Hershey's Cookies & Cream, going to movies and buying popcorn, playing cards, watching DVD's, playing Wii, Littlest Pet Shops, and arts and crafts. She took a sewing class with three of her friends throughout the spring and made some really cute things. I am going to sign her up for babysitting class soon too. I know it won't be long before people in our ward call her to watch their kids.
It is truly amazing to see Carly begin to change and mature. She still likes a lot of little girl things. She still pays house, plays with her dolls and loves little trinket toys (like Squinkies and Littlest Pet Shops.) I am glad she still likes those things. But at the same time, she is slowly developing more mature tastes in clothing, music, etc. She has a terrific sense of humor and is known for delivering some good punch lines. I thought you would appreciate a comment she made recently. So, last spring I was prepping her because of the Maturation program was going to be given at school. We had a heart-to-heart and afterwards she plopped down on the side of my bathtub and said 'this is deeply disturbing.' If you could have seen her face, you would have died. It was hysterical. Since then, she has adjusted to the fact that changes will be occurring in the next few years, but I think she's relieved not to have crossed that line yet.
I am also grateful that Carly has been blessed with good friends. There is a group of girls in our neighborhood that stick together and watch out for each other. I am certain they will remain friends for the long haul. They like being around Carly because she is so lively, but they are also good at keeping her on course when she gets carried away. Honestly, Carly is one of my favorite people in this life. Greg and I love her so much and we are so grateful for her presence in our family. She is a loving, special girl and I know she has a unique mission to fulfill in her life. She will be able to accomplish anything she sets her mind to. As long as she makes good choices, she will be unstoppable."
I hope that you all have enjoyed this post and will let me know all about your schedules. Love you all and hope that everything is going good in your lives as well as they are going in mine.
Monday, May 16, 2011
So this year he was turning the big 35!!! OOOOO...that is scary....five more years and he will be 40. I can't believe that I am that close too.....Well, just for ya all to know.....we will be having a huge, and I MEAN HUGE....birthday party whether he wants it or not. 40 is a milestone and should be celebrated as one.....so you are all invited....don't know when or what we will be doing, but it will be awesome.
But I must get back to this year....the 35th.....Harley was over at his mom's for the weekend and Dave's parents were going out of town so we decided that we should celebrate it a little early and have a Mom's/Dave's dinner.....yea, it is hard for the two of us because we both have birthday's on holidays.....His is every four years or so.....so this year we also did it on Mother's Day, because it was easier to do one day celebration and wrap everything together in a nice bow.
Dave's mom made the yummy lasagna and cheese rolls and I made the cake. It was an awesome cake.....see.....It was a red velvet cake with cream cheese filling. I thought it was so yummy. Hulk is made out of rice krispies and covered with fondant. Dave and Harley both loved the cake and Harley kept saying that he wanted to have a Hulk cake for his birthday. I told Harley that he really should have his own special cake. He has agreed to let me make a Cars 2 cake for him for his birthday. I am excited to do it for him.....now just needing ideas....internet here I come.....
On Dave's birthday, we took him out for dinner to his favorite restaurant....El Chihuahua....We had a wonderful time and I have to confess that these next couple of pictures are very shocking.....oh yea, that is Dave.....smiling and goofing off....I have to wonder how in the world did I get these wonderful pictures......amazing!!!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
According to her, I was a difficult labor and delivery. 36 hours in labor and 2 weeks late...What can I say? I am so worth the wait in my opinion and
being born on the day of love what could be more perfect than me?? Nothing....ok that was my gloating session, but really, my mom and I have had a really awesome relationship. Of course, we have fought over the years, laughed and cried, but she has really shown me what it takes to be a mom and I will never forget what an wonderful person she is.
When I became a mom, my mom stood by me and helped me make one of the most difficult decision that I had to make in my life. When I became a mom, it really was not the ideal situation and I had a lot of hard choices to make. I was 22, single, unmarried, and a college student. I was into a lot of things that I shouldn't have been into, but that day that I took the stupid pee test....I knew that my life wasn't about me any more and that I really needed to grow up and start thinking about someone else. I knew right off the bat that I would not be aborting this baby and that was a no brainer decision for me, but could I actually raise a child and make the best life for him or her? I was not sure about that.....I was old enough, but stable enough? That was the hardest question.....with the months ahead of me to make a decision, I had my mom's help and guidance to help me along my path way of becoming a mom.
On August 2, 2000, I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl. I named her Victoria Pearl Merritt. To me she was the most perfect thing on the face of the planet and I was so happy to have her, to be her mom. Yep at that this point in my life when I was lying on the operating table looking at this little girl thinking to myself "she doesn't look like a watermelon".....that is a real person that I made and now had to look after just for a couple more days. After I gave birth to her, I was able to make a phone call to the second most wonderful person in the world.....my daughter's soon to be new mom....
That is right...I had decided to place my daughter for adoption. What the most difficult and challenging decision......I had made a huge list of things that I wanted my daughter's mom to have (well, parents) and after looking and searching through thousands of applications I had finally chosen the perfect little family.
This is Monica...she is Carly's mom now....This woman is such an amazing person and one day I will be able to tell her thanks for everything that she had done for not only me, but also for the amazing things she has taught, given and blessed my daughter with. It is women like her that have really taught me what it takes to be a mom. For her to love a child so totally unconditionally and to take things with no resentment at all is truly amazing. I remember talking to her the day of the "face to face" meeting before Carly was born. I told her that if she is anything like me, I am so sorry and that she will have a difficult road ahead of her. She laughed and said she will be ok with it. Monica has been the mom that I hoped that one day I could learn more about and become more like her.
She has not only my child but two others that she has made her own. Christian, Carly, and Logan. She is what I consider a true one of a kind mom. She has accepted children into her life and made them hers, to love, care, and accept them for who they are and how they had been brought into her life.
To me there is no better person than Monica to raise my daughter, and I thank God for that family every day and night. One day I know I will be able to see them and be with them again. I pray for that day.
Another person that I have in my life that has shown me what it takes to be an amazing mom is my wonderful boss, Tammy. She has shown me so many things over the years and one of the was how to juggle a full time career and being a mom. She is one awesome lady that cares deeply for all her children. She has two that are hers and two that are her new husband. She has really taught me how to treat all children equally and how a mother really never stops worrying about the well-being of her children. I am really excited about her new adventure with being a new grandma. It is going to be so much fun to watch her spoiling and playing with her Grandkids. Tammy has also taught be the importance of family and how important it is to spend lots of time with love ones and how it is not always about working which makes you happy, but about being with the ones that you love and love spending time with. Taking the odd day here and there to go and spend time with parents, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews are the real joys in life.
Another mom in my life is my new mother-in-law. She is also amazing. She has taught me not only to trust in my skills as a mother, she has shown me how to make sure that I keep my marriage alive and to show love to each other. Dave and I have only been together for a short time, but having this mother in my life has been such a God send to me. We have been through a lot and she keeps helping me through the stuff that we need to get through with grace and courage. She is indeed an amazing person, a great friend, mother-in-law, and of course grandma. I am truly blessed to have her in my life.
My sister.....I can not get away with listing all these wonderful women without giving thanks and gratitude to my wonderful, beloved sister. Without her help and guidance, I would so fall apart. She is amazing....I am now wondering if there is another word for that, but I don't know if it would give the same affect....anyways, with five kids under her belt, one dog, one husband and the occasional puppies, she seems to have the answers for everything.....especially what is for dinner. She is my life line and I call her often for everything from "what's for dinner" to "are boys really like this" to "just how is it going." Thanks, Kathy for everything and I think that you are the most amazing mom!!! Your example is wonderful and I hope that I can be like you one day.
Ok.....now I think that I have written enough.....words could never convey all the love that I have in my heart to all of the women that have been in my life. Thanks can never be enough either, but I do thank you and hope that all of you can put up with my needs and freakiness. Thanks and I hope that everyone has a wonderful MOTHER'S DAY because there is nothing better in the world than to have someone come up to you and say "I LOVE YOU MOM!!!"
My little son is so sweet and cute. I love every moment with him and couldn't ask for a better son in the world. Thanks Harley for choosing me to be your second mom. I love you with all my heart and then some.....
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
This is a very happy day for us. Well, actually it has been a couple of months ago that they announced that he would be a new foreman. He has been turning it down for a couple of years now and last year he finally made the decision that if they offered the position to him again he would take on the challenges.
So many changes has happened in our short marriage, but they have all been wonderful. Adjustments....yes, but ones taken on with happy hearts and love. If anyone knows me, by now you all know that I have had a couple issues trying to understand my roll as a new mom.....to a growing boy. I have been freaking out ever since we have gotten full custody of our little Harley. I keep thinking that there is something wrong with him and that something happened to him and he doesn't want to talk about it. Under the circumstances that we got him, no one really blames me, but I.....one of an educated soul, has now taken on the roll of mom and now I sit morning and night worrying if I am doing everything right.
Oh, yea, it is me the one who over reacts when he doesn't get 10 out of 10 on a spelling test. When he misses one on a math homework.....the one that makes him do writing, journaling, spelling and reading until he is talking in his sleep. I have now come to the conclusion that I need to back off a bit and relax. I have come to this conclusion with the help of my new friends at Church.
I have been loving this new Church that we have been going to......oh, yea, I did just say that. Dave and I first just went to this new Church to help Harley and really it is me that they have helped. I have new friends that are moms. They all have kids that are around Harley's age. They have called me, praying with me and for me, they have talked with me and counseled with me. I am now starting to know what is a boy thing and what I should be concerned about.
One afternoon I went out to lunch with one of my new friends, Erin, and her two kids. At an Arctic Circle, I learned all about how it is ok to be worried and stressed, but for some of the things that I had been worried and stressed over I didn't need to be. It was ok for my son to be a little wild at school and that it is ok if he plays a little rough with others. Erin also gave me a book called "New kid by Friday." So far it is a great book that I have learned a lot from, now I just need to figure out how to use those lessons into our situation.
For the last three weeks, Harley has been getting into fights at school. I am not sure how much of the fighting is really believable. I think that he has been labeled as a trouble maker and his friends that he likes, probable are not my first choice, but at the same time this is his life and he has to learn to make good choices. We have taught him what is right and what is wrong and now we just have to be consistent in our decision and in our punishments with him. This fighting at school really has had me on edge the last couple of weeks. I have felt like a failure and a screw up as a mom. When did he learn that it was ok to tell someone that he was going to kill them? This did not come from our home!!!
The girls from Church has rallied around me and told me that it was not me that was a failure, but that he was being a boy. At MOPS one night I had a new friend tell me that she had taken classes to be a foster mom and one thing that they told her was that kids have a "honeymoon" period......here is me....what? I thought that was just for married adults....but alas it is not it is for all relationships.....wow...that is news to me, but it does explain a lot of things. (1) we have now had Harley for a year, (2) he is comfortable with his surroundings and feeling secure that he is testing his boundaries with us. This has been one of the most comforting things that I have found out. He is comfortable with us and knows that he is safe. Now who carries about the testing the boundaries....I can handle that as long as I know that he is safe everything else can be put at the back of my mind.....well, almost....I am still me after all worry-wart and all.....
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
This is the new acronym that I have learned recently. It all started out about a year ago when we found out that Dave's ex was dating a sex offender. I can't tell you how much our life was flipped upside down. Thank God, that Harley had been spending time with us for much of the time. See we have a joint visitation agreement that we fought tooth and nail to get (because honestly, Utah is still a woman state and a guy can't really get custody unless something drastic happens.) Sad but true. After Dave had talked with several different attorneys when they were getting divorce he told Jennifer that she could have Harley for now, but he would be waiting for her to mess up. How did we know that it would be such a huge fuck up.
So during the winter, she started to date this guy who she named Hank. We had custody of Harley during that time and it was only every other weekend that Harley would see Hank. Mind you we never knew anything really about him just that he wasn't working, but looking for work and that he had a Harley motorcycle. It wasn't until she had been dating him for about 4 months before a big "fake" ring showed up on her finger. Of course at that time we were curious.....is she engaged? If when, why hasn't she said anything.....and Harley wasn't a book of information.
I had a mutual friend and of course she was more than willing to call and ask the questions that was burning inside of me. Little did I know that Dave's ex was holding back tons of information from us and putting her own child in harms way. After my friend got off of the phone with her, she called me immediately and told me that I needed to have a seat because she had some news that was going to be hard to take. CRAP....
My friend then told me everything that Dave's ex told her....it wasn't just information, but it was also bragging in the worst possible sense. Hank wasn't even his real name....first blow.....he was a registered sex offender......second blow.....he had been in jail for nine years for a rape of a child.....third blow....after that I don't remember much else....I was frantically searching every site that could help me identify this guy some more. The more I dug the worse I felt. Immediately I was on the phone with Dave and then we were calling attorneys, police departments....the works to find out what we could do. This was our chance to get Harley......full custody.....this is what we had been praying for....not quite this way, but you get my point.
After talking with the Department of Corrections at 4:30 p.m. on Thursday, they had taken immediate action and Hank (Hyrum real name) was in custody and back in jail within 15 min of our conversation.....we didn't find out until 8:30 p.m. that night. They told us everything that happened and told us that we would kept posted on any other developments......ok..round 1 completed....of to round two.....protective order......on Friday, we talked with several different attorneys....they were not quite sure how to go about everything and it wasn't until Monday that we got the best advice....
Monday we went down to the Court house and filed protective orders against Hank and the ex. We had to fill out so much paper work and then wait for the judge to evaluate our claims and then sign the order for us to get Harley.....It was such an emotional roller coaster.....after we had turned in the papers and talked with DCFS....the secretary told us that it might be 5 min to 2 hr. wait. we decided to go back to work and wait. not 10 min after we left did Dave get the phone call saying that the judge had approved our protective order and that we should go and get our son from the ex. Oh, freak'n happy day. When we got to the daycare, Dave went inside and gave copies of all paperwork to the people...I was waiting outside when the ex showed up....are you kidding me?? Is this going to be bad?? Nope....Dave kept his cool and thank goodness I was seat belted in the car because I almost lost it myself. Now it has been a year that Harley has been living safely with us and we come back to the first part of this blog......Life....
During this whole process with the ex and getting custody we kept praying that if things went the right way and we got custody we would go back to church. Ok....it is easier said than done though. For us it is really that life got in the way. Dave works a lot during the summer and sometimes Sunday was the only real day that we got to see him for the whole day. We are selfish and wanted to spend as much time with each other as we could. Now that we have Harley we have had some other reasons why we should really be back in a church. This one came out of thin air......
One morning Harley was sitting at the breakfast table with us and was asking so many questions like he normally does, but then we got this one....."Who is God?" CRAP.....Dave and I looked at each other and we both knew that now is the time......God was pulling at us in the most intimate way possible....our son!
Both of us was raised with God in our lives and we knew who he was and what he offered, but now here was our son asking questions, really he should already know. Dave and I knew that it was time. No more procrastinating or excuses. Harley had the right to find out for himself and decided what he wanted to believe. This is where LIFE comes back again.
LIFE Church is the church that is just down the road from our house. We drive by it every day and always say that we should go and check it out, but never have. So this last Sunday, Dave, Harley and I got up, got dressed and then filed out to the car......Harley excited, Dave guarded, and of course....me.....freaked out!!!
I am not sure what I was expecting, but it was nothing like I experienced. First, we were greeted at the door and the guy took us to where we needed to take Harley and then the next thing we were taken to the sanctuary where the service was about to begin. The topic which was to be talked about was "Hanging on to Hope" or something like that.....can't quite remember everything.....
During the first part of the service we were all asked to stand up and introduce ourselves to our neighbors....the person to my left was a nice lady that was older....then I turn around and there was a girl with her husband that was our age....(interesting) she was so happy to meet me (ok a little weird) she even shook my hand and then I think that we hugged (not quite sure, but starting to feel at ease, weird). She introduced me to her husband and then to another lady that she was sitting next to and her husband....then she blurted out about a small group meeting that we just had to go to that night with them......(ok....freaked)....but then the service started. She said that we would talk more later...
During the service, Dave and I did a lot of looking at each other....and smiling.....what was this?? Dave happy? Smiling? a little more weird, but as the preacher spoke the more we looked at each other and we both knew that we were suppose to be here today for some reason, for some purpose, for some divine intervention....Oh, goodness.....did I just say that? Yep. It seemed like the whole service was for us and about what we were going through.
One of the things that stuck in my head was when the preacher was talking about how life is kinda like Good Friday, Saturday, and then Easter Sunday.....sometimes we are stuck in the middle and waiting for the celebration of Easter Sunday to come and that we should just be patience and it will come. Ok...that is totally what it is like right now....we had our Good Friday (getting temp. custody of Harley) now we are just waiting (Saturday) to hear when we are able to have full permanent custody (Easter Sunday) with child support issued.
After the service, Susan (the girl behind me) gave me a note with her phone number and information about the small group that they were doing later that night. Dave and I said thanks and that we would think about it. We went and got Harley and spent the rest of the day talking about what was said, how we felt and if we should continue going.
I ended up doing some laundry and asked Dave if I should wash any shirts of his and he said, "this is dirty, but I will keep this one so I could wear it tonight when we go to that thing." What??? Did I hear wrong? We are now going? Ok.....I look at him, he looked at me and then the next thing that he tried to do was back out of what he had said. I said oh, no you don't. We are going. This is something that looks like we need.
So, there is was 5:45 p.m. and we are on our way to some strangers house that we had never met and there was going to be more people there that we had to talk to and get to know....could we do it? We got there real early and ended up driving around for 15 min so we would be the first ones there. We got there and was immediately welcomed and pounced upon. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. Dave and I actually felt at peace and comfortable. Everyone talked to us and Harley immediately fit in with the other kids that was running around and tearing everything up.....that was hard for me....I had to have several talks with Harley about respecting others stuff, but everyone just kept telling me he was fine and not to worry.
As the night progressed the more comfortable I felt and the more Dave was talking, laughing, and smiling......wow, new side to Dave. This was nice....I kept thinking....After we all talked and ate food, the kids went up stairs to watch a movie and we all gathered in the living room to talk more about the service we had earlier in the day. We were encouraged to share our feeling and what was shared stayed in the room. It was so wonderful to hear the experiences and feelings that we talked about. At the end, we closed with a prayer and I couldn't help look at Dave during the prayer.....oh yea he was totally smiling and looked so calm and relaxed. I haven't seen this side of him ever. It was awesome.
So, now.....are you wondering what is going to happen next?? Are we going back?? Is this something for us to make a part of our daily lives?? I am not sure, but I do want to go back and I think that we will.....I feel at peace with this decision and Harley......he says that he met God on Sunday and wants to go back.....so for his sake we will......more to come I am sure.